“What If I Love God, Yet Feel I’m On A Losing Side?”
I call myself a mystic because I feel I’ve been receiving revelations and ecstasies all my life. I love the feeling of connectivity with the Divine. The Divine being the love that pours out of smiles, hugs and a general good feeling in the air or room. The mystic part recognizes that there’s no need for a cause to feel this ecstasies, they exist and want to be felt by humanity at all times. I did not know the name of ecstasy when I felt these at toddler age. The name and description were given to me later as I grew up.
I did grow up in a religious environment. My mother mostly was devoted to being good because it was required and trying to avoid punishment, yet rebellion was her behavior. My father’s view was more about resentment and yet feeling a connection to an all mighty, yet unhappy there were so many requirements. Both parents of mine always presented themselves and then onto me that we fell short of God’s expectations, so that was the lot in life until we changed out lot, without God or inspite of God.
The mystic side spoke quietly and powerfully that God loves and does not require anything. The developing “human” side said, loudly “that’s not the way the world works, don’t be a freak”. Hmmmm there in began the idea that life was about choosing sides and the louder one seems to win more. The truth is that the truth can not be drowned out. The mystic side was always winning, I learned not to revel in it too long because the alienation from my peers, at any age, was never to be endured. Sigh, what a load of baloney!!! The quiet voice of truth did not yell because IT HAD NOTHING TO PROVE. Yes I’m yelling because it’s more of a cheer yell of happiness that the awareness of God/Heaven never dies and is consistent and doesn’t even acknowledge a side. Yep I spent year feeling righteous I was on the “good” side and feeling insulted when it seemed that no-good doers had more fun. I then chose my “mystic” side with pride that it gave me a reason to rebel. “I’m on God’s side and I can do “wrong” because God will still love me, even as I suffer consequences for acting rebellious.” Boy I tell you that was decades of thinking and believing that was the “right” type of sacrifice and I’d get rewards somehow. Sigh, it was exhausting.
The truth is persistent because there is nothing to oppose it. Aha, “I agree… but” I’d say to myself because I was dedicated to Divine awareness. The “but” was looking at the physical world and believing that I had to stay on the “winning” side by making lemonade from the lemons I received. My comprehension was lemonade is made by adding sugar. I then took on the “battle” to turn all seemingly ugly into a tasty drink by seemingly adding sugar in some way shape or form AND getting pissed off that I’d feel there wasn’t enough sugar in the world to convert all that tartness.
This winning and losing side was too dominant as my definition of Divine. God/Love kept and keeps me asking “what is Divine” about adding sugar all the time?”. God laughs and says “who told you a) there’s two sides and b) adding sugar is an answer?”. Well!!! “God I thought you had” I said. God smiles and says, quietly with all the love I will accept as I receive this loving message, “I only pour out Love and it has no cost and it has no requirement and I have no opposition because Love is creating more Love all the time and I ask that you receive Love all the time. That is it. Never created or create anything except from Love, no errors, no second guessing. This is why throughout your measurement of time I AM eternal and that means Love never fails and I don’t set-up lessons for failure to teach you lessons. I created all and humans are one of the beneficiaries of my need to keep creating, You are creators too, you create from the substance that IS and then you name it something. The naming is where you get all twisted and confused. Confusion and clarity are what you use to perceive Love, I create more Love and allow you to enjoy creation from your allowing yourselves to discover. This is why you are never able to destroy. I do not destroy, substance is always forming anew and you focus on making all finite in your comprehension because you think I, God am too big for you and could destroy you. I never command anything but Love.” OK God I’m going for it. There are not two sides. Let’s go there.
The mystics of all eras have always emphasized One. There is One power, Love. There is One Being and it is everywhere and in everything and has no ending. Staying with this I understood early on that this was and is true. here it goes, “but people have created such pain and war and well suffering, how do you God let humanity get away with it? This is what feels like a battle, these people that create… crap!” You see that really is the point of being a mystic, you have courage to ask questions, push for clarity and know lightening will not strike. I in truth know that there one creator that keeps offering up earth and knowledge and all kinds of goodies for humanity. It’s what I/humanity do with it that seems more rampant than God’s power to correct, therefore the premise of duality i.e “good vs bad” ( I don’t like the word evil, it seems too hopeless and I’m not that far gone against humanity) seems the rule of earth.
Throughout the evolution of humanity though Creator has said and still says “that is not what is really going on. this is why We/God/Love/Spirit/Angels etc. never said “fix” the world. The world is not broken, humanities perspective is confused and twisted and creates an experience from twisted and self-defeating results that then make war and “death” the “only” solution”.
OK God, I’m taking a break. There’s a great freedom being offered here and I’m going to take moments to not resist and I now allow myself to rest in this “battle less” concept. OK my fellow humans born of Divinity, let’s drop the taking sides and enjoy peaceful thoughts of self love and not push taking all this truth in and “making” it real. Let’s just be. Join me soon and we’ll feel even better.